Girlfriend 5.0 Upgrade to Wife 1.0

I am browsing the net for a while now and one letter just caught my attention. It's not really something to inspire you but rather it will strike you odd, or it's just me.

It's an open letter from a "troubled user" to the "tech support team". Read on ;-)

Dear Tech Support Team,

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child-processes that took up a lot of space and valuable resources...

In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activities. Applications such as BachelorNights 10.3, PlayBall 5.0, BeerWithBuddies 7.5, and Outings 3.6 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected.

I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 5.0, but the 'uninstall' doesn't work on Wife 1.0.

Please help!


"A Troubled User"


Dear Troubled User,

This is a very common problem that people complain about.

Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!!

It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 5.0. It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 5.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed not to allow this. (Look in your Wife 1.0 Manual under Warnings-Alimony-Child Support).

I recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and work on improving the environment. I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation. The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean 2.5, Sweep 3.0, Cook 1.5 and DoLaundry 4.2.

However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program NagNag 9.5. Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software Dresses 2.1 and Jewellery 5.0.

WARNING : DO NOT, under any circumstances, install SecretaryWithShortSkirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system and to your computer as well.

I am dead serious reading the letter and really found it hilarious. Though the message itself makes sense but it is on our individual discretion how we will take this. Many of us ended with someone terrific and magnificent and a tolerable better half, and both ways were productively looking for ways to harmonize the marriage, though still, reality wise, some of us were not that lucky.

Hooray for those happy couple out there. For those who thought that they failed their vows, well, one decision will maybe keep you on the right track ;-)

Salute to those wives who endure everything to keep a family. For those who are still trying to be one or wanted to be one or even acting to be one, keep it up, keep the faith and you will make it ;-)

"You don't marry someone you can live with, you marry the person who you cannot live without."


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